I am a breast feeding Natzi

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I am a breast feeding Natzi

Some facts:

• I have breast fed all three of my kids
• I love it
• Breast feeding IS the best thing for your baby.  (If you don't agree, I don't care. It means you have no idea what you are talking about.  Here's a link.  Do some research.)

Boobies were made for babies to eat from them.  Not for boys to gawk at.  They work well for gawking.  And I have used mine once or twice in the old days for less than classy ventures.  But their intended purpose is to store milk and distribute said milk to screaming baby faces.

  Recently I have read a couple of news stories where a nursing mother has been ridiculed or harassed in public while trying to feed her kid. Here's one. Here's another.
Some of these stories made it to the Facebook pages of my local news outlets, and the drama ensued.  I had NO IDEA there were really so many people out there who thought public breastfeeding was such a crime against humanity!  I got frustrated trying to voice my opinion there amongst all of the morons trying to out scream each other.  And frankly, I really only like to hear myself talk. Hence this blog.  So I'm going to give a few of the objections and then tell you why they are all complete bullshit.

 "Why don't you just do it in the bathroom?"

Oh!  Wow!  I should have thought of that!!  The bathroom!!  I have an even better idea.  Why don't you join us!  Pick up that burger you are shoving into your fat face, and you can eat your lunch sitting on a toilet seat used by thousands of strangers.  No?  You don't want to do that?  I'm sorry.  I thought you were saying it was a sanitary place for someone to eat.  I think I'll stay here where I am then.  But would you mind facing the other direction?  Watching you eat its making me want to puke.

Another classic line: "Peeing is natural too, but you don't see people urinating in public anywhere they feel like it"

Good point.  Well, it WOULD be a good point if instead of breastfeeding my baby, I was busting out both tits and spraying milk all over the jewelry counter at Kohl's.  But I'm not.  At least not yet.  I won't say I'm above this.  I would just need a good reason.

"Why can't you just put it in a bottle and then bring it with you"

Because it defeats the purpose of breastfeeding.  If you knew what the f*#@ you were talking about you would know that you lose milk this way.  SOOOO to make up for the breastfeeding I was missing by giving my kid a bottle instead, I would have to pump.  Which would you rather see me doing.  Discreetly feeding my baby under a blanket? Or hooking my nips up to a vacuum, flipping a switch, and instantly destroying your image of boobies forever. Ever see a cow get milked by a machine?  Imagine that, but with clear plastic cones doing the work instead of the modest metal tubes they use for Ol' Bessie.  It's not something you can un-see. 

"It doesn't matter if it's legal, it makes people uncomfortable, and you should be understanding of that."

You wanna know what makes me uncomfortable?  Really fat people.  Not like, normal fat people, but like "so fat I have to use this motorized scooter in the grocery store because for some reason I think having to WALK to the freezer section to get my pot pies is going to do me some harm" fat.    You know what else? Obviously fake boobs, and really loud teenagers make me uncomfortable.  But can I ask them to all get in the bathroom?  No.  I can't.  And mostly because after Pot-Pie and Tits McGee, no one else will fit.


Bottom line is this.  If you have a problem with me breastfeeding my kid, then you must also have a problem with every Vitoria's Secret ad, every catalog during swim suit season, every girl at every club you've ever been to, every trip to the beach.....I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Now unless any of you have any better points to make, my baby is hungry.  And I think today she feels like eating at Wal-Mart. 

That's it.
Becca

As I was writing this post, another article came to my attention. Apparently formula is KILLING BABIES!!! Are you serious??!! So here's the thing. The only reason to ever feed formula to your baby ever again is if you physically cannot breastfeed your baby. And I mean you take every herbal supplement, call every crazy witch doctor, and milk your boobs til they BLEED before you CHANCE that the formula you purchased at the store will kill your baby. God gave you titties for a reason.