I am a slave driver.
Welp, kids are the same way. They need to feel important. They need to feel useful. They need to feel like they are part of something. You tend to hear about this in older grade school kids and high schoolers. They need to feel like they belong, so they join groups of "bad" kids because it's the easiest to get into.
Younger kids feel the same way. And the group they want to feel a part of is their family. Our responsibility as parents isn't to "take care" of our kids. Our responsibility is to provide for their basic needs and to teach them to be productive, responsible adults. Mostly so that they won't come back once you've gotten rid of them!!
I want to preface this with saying, I am in no way perfect. I lose my cool with the kids, I get into the habit of doing things for them. And I don't always hold them or myself accountable for our actions. BUT, these are the standards and rules that we try to keep in our home. Our kids are happy, healthy kids. We play a LOT and have so much fun doing most of the things I'm going to suggest. So here we go...
Kids need jobs
The jobs need to be age appropriate. I'm not having my three yr old doing loads of laundry. But he can help sort it and put it down the chute. My 5 yr old's jobs are as follows:
- Trash night he helps empty smaller trash cans into bigger ones and helps take the bags outside to the trash. I say HELPS, because he is 5 and needs guidance and direction. If I sent him off to do the trash by himself, I would end up with used Kleenex all over the house.
- He sets the table every night before dinner. I get the dishes out and set them on the table. He gets out silverware, and he places them where they go around the table.
- He clears the table of all of the dishes after every meal
- He (my three yr old does this too) gets himself completely dressed in the morning without any help.
- Dusting the rooms during Saturday morning cleaning spree.
My kids aren't extraordinary. They are normal kids. And I think most parents underestimate what their kids are capable of. We tend to OVER estimate. Why not show your kids how much you think they CAN do instead of how much you think they CAN'T do?
Be Consistent
It is SO tempting to do the jobs for them to get out the door quicker in the morning. Or just to save you the irritation watching them struggle with getting their pants on in the morning. But TRUST ME. It is so much better to wait it out for a while. In the long run, they figure it out and save you time.
Consequences (Not punishment)
I in no way mean we should punish our kids for not doing their jobs. But for instance
- Set a timer at meal times. Whatever they don't finish in the allotted time, they don't eat.
- If they decide they don't want to do their chore, they have to pay me (or a sibling) to do it out of their allowance. (Which I'll talk about in a minute)
- If they order something at a restaurant and don't eat it, they have to pay for what they don't finish.
- If they don't get dressed in the morning in time to walk out the door. They carry their clothes with them and put them on when we get where we are going. (This one works like a charm. It may take a couple times. But eventually, they are going to be embarrassed and realize you mean business)
Allowance
Our kids don't get paid to do chores. They get a set amount every week not matter what. We want to teach them to be responsible with their money. So...
- Set an appropriate amount (we do $2 a week)
- Divvy it up. (1/4 goes to God, 1/4 goes to savings, 1/2 is to spend)
- Explain what money is for. Take him to a store he likes, give him $5 and let him spend it anyway he wants. Show him that money buys you things you like.
- Set a goal for his savings. Have him pick out something (a toy, a trip) and have him save for it so he understands the process.
Most of this is to alleviate my own frustration with my kids. I have 3 and sometimes it seemed impossible to get everything done. I was spending so much time telling and retelling and then yelling at them to do things, when they really didn't know how or have any concept of why they were doing it. Now they get it. And while I'm dealing with the things they CAN'T do, they can complete the things they are able to. They feel needed and productive and I don't want to kill them.
