I'm wheelin' and dealin'

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm wheelin' and dealin'

Let me get this straight.  You have a 7 year old microwave (and because it's Craigslist I'm going to guess it's more like 10 years old), you are obviously wanting to get rid of it, your listing is over a week old,  I'm offering you $10 less than your asking price, and you STILL want to hang on to it?  Really? 

Does something is your moral fiber dislike my low ball offer of $10 less?  Did you once accept an offer $10 lower on something and then ended up being imprisoned in Mexico shortly after and if you had only been able to pay them that extra $10 they wouldn't have let the donkey have their way with you?

Backtrack...

We are trying to fix up our house.  On a budget.  And when I say budget I'm not talking like "the less expensive furniture store" budget.  Or the "we can't afford leather this time" budget.  We are on the "Are the pee stains better or worse on this used couch than on the one we already have" budget.

I have become totally and completely obsessed with Craigslist.  I would prefer to be out garage sale-ing every Saturday when the rooster crows, but apparently most garage sale havers aren't really up to the whole winter sale thing.  Lame.  Oh, and speaking of roosters....how about this little gem I found...

Roosters
Rooster Plates $50
Rack: 7" x 2" x 40 1/2" high;
largest plate: 14 1/2" diameter.

Hen Basket $35
Metal.
12" x 6 3/4" x 7 1/4" high

Rooster Kitchenware Cruet $35
Four piece set.
Includes tray.
Porcelain.
9 1/2" x 3 1/2" x 7 1/2" high.

Rooster Wall Clock $35
Wood.
Uses 1 AA battery (not included).
13 1/4" diameter.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

WHY YES!!!! I would LOVE to hand over 50 freaking dollars for your ROOSTER PLATES!!!  And I see you are asking $35 for your kitchen accessory which appears to be a cyborg rooster of some sort.  I couldn't possibly let your part with it for so little.  Would you take $115?  

Couldn't you at least provide a damn battery for the poultry clock you are charging $35 for?  Please?


All day I'm sorting through this kind of nonsense and calling every hoarder in St. Louis trying to make our house look as amazing as I imagine it on my Pinterest board.  It is pretty pathetic. 

My problem is this.  I am afraid if I look away for just one tiny second, someone will post the deal of the century and I will miss it.  Like if I turn my head to take care of another "mommy-is-there-still-poop-on-my-butt" situation someone else will swoop in and snatch up my long awaited vintage picture frame lot.  You know.  The one they will pay YOU to take away from them?  That one.

I think my husband is getting a little annoyed.  Ok, I KNOW he's getting annoyed.  We are still virtually living out of boxes after being in the house for over 3 weeks, and I'm home all day talking trash to people on the phone about how there were 3 other over the range microwaves for half the price of what they were asking, but I was wiping a 4 year old's ass and I MISSED THEM!!!


Here's another fun listing:
Bedroom
I'm selling my queen bed and mattress for $200 or best offer serious buyers only the mattress rests on the rails so no need for a box its comfortable and has barely used.

• Location: st louis
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Don't tell me.  Your mom found out you were holding young girls hostage in your basement.  She said you either had to turn yourself in or get a job.  But before you can get a job you need to get a new wardrobe....for $200.  Can I give you some sales advice?  Try making your bed look a little less "kidnappy" before posting pics online. K?

I have found a few really great things.  Some things that I wouldn't have been able to find anywhere else.  The sellers were reasonable people. After I went to see the items and pointed out every single thing wrong with them and listed off the many ways I would have to work on them once I got them home, they normally met me on the prices. 

I mean who can say no to a mom dragging 3 kids to your house to look at a 30 year old chair saying things like "It's JUST what I have been looking for!  I'm so lucky to have stumbled across your ad!  I'm sure little Jonathan (4) will love steam cleaning it for me.  He only burned himself on the forearms last time.  But that's how they learn. Right?  Oh, crap.  I left the baby in the car.  I forgot.  You said $40 right?  No?  Oh shoot....well.  Oh, you'll take $40?  Thank you!!!  You totally made my day."

Works every time.  Unless you are a douche bag..  Like this guy:

Kevin harvick bud neon - $250 (St. Louis)

This a brand new neon. NO haggling

• Location: St. Louis
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

KEVIN HARVICK IS WORTH EVERY PENNY DAMMIT!!!!!

He might actually be worth all $250.  I'm just pissed.  I need some artificial sweetener and caffeine.  Off  to NOT buy more things!